I’ve been here before…at this moment in time when all I can feel is numbness. I had felt this so many times I can’t even keep track of it. The feeling the entire world is living while I am stuck in the corner watching life passes me by. All the things that have taste, grace and meaning are so grey and insipid. I feel nothing once again.
For so long I’ve rehearsed, rehearsed and rehearsed but have never played. All the words I’d thought but had never said. All the lost chances just because I was coward not to cut the strings and live my life the way I planed to.
For all those years I’ve compared too much me with you and you and you and completely forgot to just let it go and walk straight. Always trying to fit in the little square I can’t barely get in, creating goals which weren’t mine and being frustrated by them. Not having enough strength to put myself out and see what happens.
Too much time, but not too late. It’s time to do it my way. Step on the rules that are not meaningful at all to me. Put the past behind, cuz what’d passed is over but the future is mine. I am numb, and tired, and sick because my mind and my body are screaming from the inside. They are shouting a wake up call for some time now and I got to act and react. The time IT is now. The calm is just prelude for the big tide. The definite tide I’ve been waiting my entire existence to shake me up. For real. For sure. Because that’s the only thing I need to find my peace.